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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Utah Utes - America's Ugliest Athletes

I'm going to start out with a disclaimer: In no way is this list comprehensive. There are far too many ugly athletes from the University of Utah. Now I will admit that BYU has had a few undesirables *cough* Lee Cummard *cough*  but when talking about ugly in the purest of forms, the Uteskis take the cake.

Today we are going to look at 4 of Utah's best athletes over the past decade. The hope is to adequately prepare the lay fan before he goes to a U of U athletic competition. Grab a barf bag and let's get going!

Let's start with a few basketball players from the University of Utah:

Tim Frost

While in Salt Lake City, Frost inspired opposing fans to hold up 14 placards with "T-I-M-F-R-O-S-T-I-S-U-G-L-Y" written on them. 14 people devoted time just to let the world know to stay away from this bulldog.

Luke Nevill

While at Utah, Nevill averaged 15.2 points, 7.2 rebounds and 3.4 cavities a game. He holds a special place in my heart as Igor in Young Frankenstein.

Now since we have a small athletic competition coming up this weekend on the football field, so let's take a look at a few current players.

Ghetto Fabio (Chaz Walker)

I can't believe it's not butter. The only time you are allowed to have girl hair and be white is when your last name is Greene or Matthews.

 The Queen of the Ball: Jordan Wynn

What the crap is this? I can't fault Wynn for covering up his dumbo ears but at least wash your hair man! You bring ugly to a whole new level. I'm thinking I could have potentially made Utah's roster had I had a little bigger nose, washed and cut my hair less often, had girl arms, and traded ears with a Christmas elf. Nevermind...that does take a bit of talent.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Best Super Bowl Commercial Idea EVER

Doritos and Pepsi have found a way to advertise on the Super Bowl and guarantee that their ads will be ridiculously viral.

They have partnered together to create the “Crash the Super Bowl contest,” where anybody could create an ad for either Doritos or Pepsi Max, submit it, and allow people to vote for it. They were overwhelmed with over 5600 entries! The top five contestants for each product based on consumer votes win $25,000 and a trip to a luxury suite at the Super Bowl, where the top three for each product will be shown during the game. After the Super Bowl, the contestants win additional $$$$ for being in the top three of all commercials shown during the game, to the tune of up to $1,000,000! Doritos and Pepsi could potentially spend TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS+ in prize money, commercial space, Super Bowl tickets and contestant travel combined. Is it worth it? You tell me.

Here is what they get out of it:

5600 combined videos being shared on YouTube and Facebook by everybody who is somehow connected to anybody involved with or related to people involved with the creation of the ads. Plus 6 Super Bowl commercials. That translates into HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF VIEWS.

But we are missing out on the best part that makes Doritos and Pepsi absolute geniuses…They are GUARANTEED to have ridiculously viral ads this year. Guaranteed. Think about it. 5600 ads floating around on Facebook, Youtube, Myspace…Ok Myspace is a nonfactor (don’t tell Tom I said that)…but you get the point. The best 3 for each product are chosen. I am pretty sure that 1 out of nearly 1000 entries will be funny and viral enough in nature to get me to watch it again and again, thus marketing Pepsi and Doritos to myself.

Congratulations Pepsi and Doritos! You just caught the secret of social media and have earned yourself a whole boatload of revenue!

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Twitter is Robbing Joakim Noah of an All Star Berth

Pull your sleeves up, we are about to have a fight here. Call me what you will, but my hand is in the air, holding up the B.S. card for the current NBA all-star voting returns. Now, more than ever, Twitter is affecting the voting outcomes of the NBA All-Star ballots.

Don't believe me?

How is it that Shaq is #2 on the list of Eastern Conference centers behind only Dwight Howard??? Obviously Howard is the obvious choice for #1 vote getter in the East because he is head and shoulders above anyone else in his position. But Shaq is the #2, and has more than 300,000 more votes than Joakim Noah! Let's look at their numbers: Noah 14.0 - 11.7 - 2.7 - 1.2 - 1.6 and a PER of 22.79. Shaq 10.0 - 5.3 - .7 - .4 - 1 and a PER of 11.73! Yes Shaq has done great for the Celts (my #2 favorite team of all time) but Noah has been incredible on both ends of the floor.

Call it a popularity contest if you will, but the All-Star game has very meaningful implications on a player's career. Things such as how much $$$ a player can demand when he negotiates contracts and how easily he makes it into the Hall of Fame are DIRECTLY affected by a player's All Star appearances.

At an age where a player typically falls out of favor with a younger fan base, Shaq has taken the teenage generation by storm with this nearly 3.5 MILLION followers on Twitter, his show that he stole from Steve Nash (Shaq Vs.), and his ability to break dance.

Noah may not be carry the same presence as Shaq, but he is not a no-name. He has gained fame for his rebounding skills, clashes with Lebron and Kevin Garnett, sick hair, and goof-ball personality. People that like Shaq should like Noah. People that hate Lebron and Garnett (lots) should love Noah. How many Twitter followers does Noah have? ZERO. He doesn't have an account. He has not taken advantage of the opportunity to connect with fans on the personal level that Shaq has. I would follow him in a heartbeat. His opinion of Kevin Garnett (my favorite player of all time) is classic.

 Watch the "Kevin Garnett Will Not Get a Christmas Card From Me" clip.

Will Shaq make the All Star team? Probably not. Will Noah? Probably. Dwight Howard is a lock to start in the ASG for the next 15 years but the reserves are coaches' choices, not fans. But if one of the two switches conferences, Noah the fans that Noah could be building have the power to win him an ASG start.

Reminder: I love the Celtics. I hate the Bulls.